I love to question and I love to be of service. Coaching is a great way to do both.
I’ve been coaching since 2011 using the skills gained from a dozen years of yoga and meditation teaching as my foundation. I’ve continued to grow my skills most notably with Inner Empathy. Meeting my parts with compassion and deep listening has been the single biggest transformational tool that I’ve learned. I use it daily. It allows a whole different framework for relating to myself, my desires, and my shortcomings. The skills I use in my coaching have transformed my life.
For the last 15 years or so, I’ve been questioning my role in society, who I am, what I want from life, and what I have to offer. I started out in Silicon Valley working as a chemical engineer in an environmental consulting firm. I noticed that the people around me, the adults who I was supposed to look up to, were generally overweight and unhappy. They worked long hours and complained a lot. Many had lingering illnesses. Even more telling, I dreaded Monday morning and going to work every day. I left that job and became an aerobics instructor. The hours were good and I wasn’t going to get fat, I reasoned. I also learned something about myself. I like to slow down and look at the details of things. I started to teach yoga as it’s both slower, more mindful, and to me more meaningful than step aerobics or kickboxing.
Relationships are where it’s at. Relationships have pushed me to look deeper into myself and take responsibility both for my own misery and my own happiness.
I am a parent to two wonderful girls who sometimes challenge everything I think and know. I gave birth to both of them at home, in the water. Both girls were breastfed for more than three years each. We learned EC (elimination communication) with our first daughter and went completely diaper free with our second. We have unschooled and homeschooled. Both girls are currently in private school. All of these experiences are teaching me a great deal about trust and the inherent wisdom of my children.
That all sounds great, but what’s hidden in it is that I wanted to do attachment parenting perfectly so that my children would be perfectly happy. The driven nagging of the Perfectionist was my constant companion saying it “has to be just so or else your failing!” It didn’t work. I often felt like a failure. I’m still very glad I did all those things and very glad that Parts Work in the style of Inner Empathy came into my life. My Perfectionist is a lot easier to live with now and consequently my parenting has improved. My relationships with my children are mellowing into more enjoyment, clearer boundaries, and less need to prove ourselves. I mention our summer of 2015 in this video.
In 2011, I came out as a parent coach. It really felt like coming out. It took me a year to be able to answer “What do you do?” with “I’m a parent coach,” and not anticipate them laughing, attacking, or challenging my abilities. I was terribly afraid someone would find out I wasn’t a perfect parent and tell me I wasn’t qualified to work. I now love coaching parents and have let go of needing to do it perfectly. While influenced by my own insights and background, I help my clients find the truth and wisdom inside themselves. I don’t need to be perfect. Whew.
At the same time I was coming out as a parent coach, I was opening my marriage and embracing my bisexual, polyamorous nature. As woman who’s spent most of the last 20 years in two different mostly-heterosexual, mostly-monogamous marriages, I was a touch nervous I’d be rejected for being a bad person, a bad wife, and unacceptable for opening my marriage. The reality is that sometimes I was. Embracing more of who I am rather than keeping those parts of me outside myself have certainly changed my life. Some relationships have changed dramatically. And my happiness is continuing to increase. My joy and gratitude for my life and the trust I have in myself to be the best authority on my own life continue to increase.
- A Few Notable Teachers and Trainings
- Somatic Sex Educator Association’s training in Sexological Bodywork gave me the sex education I’d never had and always wanted as well as the tools to help you come home to your body, trust your sexuality, and harness the energy of eros in your life.
- Becoming a Professional Cuddler through Cuddlist.com helps bring to reality my long-standing desire to hold you while coaching you. Feeling love, compassion, and safety in your body while receiving coaching support lets the coaching be 10x more effective.
- Compassionately listening to our parts comes directly from my experiences with Inner Empathy. Check out www.innnerempathy.com for more information on Inner Empathy.
- Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) with Drs. Jon Kabat-Zinn and Saki Santorelli of the University of Massachusetts Medical School – a series of 7 different residential intensives in mindfulness totalling more than 400 hours of contact time. “Everything passes. Everything changes. The trick is to notice what’s happening before it’s gone.” Visit http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/ for more information on MBSR.
- Like A Pro with Dr. Betty Martin is bringing new awareness to boundaries, consent, and asking for what I want. The importance of taking my own desire into my own body and clearly asking for what I want knowing that the other has no responsibility to give it to me is a huge gift from working with Betty.
- Brene Brown’s TED talks, videos, and books have opened up a new vistas with her work on shame, vulnerability, and scarcity. Thank you!
- The School for The Work of Byron Katie – a 9 day intensive in compassionate inquiry. We look at our stories, our beliefs, and our judgements and ask how they serve us and what they can tell us about ourselves. Check out www.thework.com to find out about The Work of Byron Katie.
- Working with the books The Diamond Cutter and Karmic Management to learn radical self-responsibility and the discipline of continually noticing how I create the world around me with my thoughs, actions, and words. This is a tangible, accessible way of working with the incredible power we have to create our own lives. It has transformed mine. I look forward to offering its services to yours. www.diamondcutterinstitute.com
- 15 years of teaching yoga and working with people to listen to the body’s wisdom. Our bodies teach us constantly about what’s working, what’s not, how to improve our lives, and how to go more into our life path. Fear, tension, illness are often constricted excitement – energy that’s gotten locked up with no place to go. We can listen, move our bodies, free up that stuck energy, and heal. Visit www.yoga-and-transformation.com for more information about my yoga and meditation background.
- BS in Chemical Engineering from the University of Virginia. The best things to come out of this degree are the abilities to problem solve and to work hard and persistently. These skills are also offered to you as you embark on your coaching journey with me.